The prize for the Sporting Cheat of the Week has surprisingly (pun intended) been stolen from the safety deposit boxes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Didier Drogba by tennis player Michelle Larcher de Brito.

Ronaldo unfortunately blotted his scorecard by being actually fouled at least once, debatably, in the recent Champions League final. The favourite for the title, Drogba, has not been his normally willing-to-bend-some-of-those-rules self since his recent televised tantrum and form is everything in this contest.

Thus, we have the first tennis-based winner of the title since Monica Seles started grunting her opponents into submission way back whenever it was before someone stabbed her up. However, our apologies must be sent to Ms Seles, as we now realise that her barely audible ‘hard breaths’ were nothing in comparison to Ms Larcher de Brito’s almost orgasmic, almost painful, almost being dragged down an air-vent by Alien and Predator and the Terminator and Jacqui Smith, clearly-intended-to-put-off-opponents, grunting vocalisations.

Michelle receives serve after 18 seconds…

This is the one where you start to wonder if it’s a wind-up, but it’s not…

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