Right, that’s it. No more Spice for you, you dirty, filthy criminals. No more will you bring shame upon our great nation and all its Health & Safety departments, quangos, Advisory Councils and fine, upstanding politicians who only ever have the interests of the people in mind. Woe on you, ye fiends of fallacious fun.
The Home Secretary Alan Johnson says he is acting on advice from the Government’s Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD). One assumes this advice did not come from Professor Nutt, the former chairman of the ACMD, whom Johnson recently sacked for using his superior insight and knowledge to disagree with the replacement Home Secretary on the relative dangers of cannabis.
Jacqui Smith’s substitute said: “Legal highs are an emerging threat, particularly to young people, and we have a duty to educate them about the dangers.”
Yes, you ‘young people’ – let the Home Secretary educate you. Yes, that same Home Secretary who dismissed his chief advisor for having a far more educated opinion than him. Yes, that very same Home Secretary who only replaced the last one after she was caught having taxpayers pay for her husband’s pornography habit.
Pay attention, wear jeans and watch X-Factor. Don’t forget to vote for your favourite! Just as long as it’s the good-looking black girl, or the clean cut white lad with big teeth. He can hold a note, can’t he? Do not attempt to vote for anybody else or Alan Johnson will be round to educate you about how we do things in Britain. Alright? Good. Now stay in your homes.