The World Cup arrives in South Africa this summer and England still haven’t convinced FIFA to let them play Wayne Rooney on his own. Apparently the rules dictate teams must field eleven men even if ten of them tend to just get in the way. Oh well – we can still support them all the way to the quarter-finals with these simply amazing England Clipper Lighters.
Non-English people can get in on the fun too by giving them to their English friends as commiseration gifts for when Rooney is injured or sent off for violent conduct.
Please buy them quickly before the inevitable penalties come around and England football merchandise sales plunge depths only previously achieved with the help of Gareth Southgate. Come on, Rooney! I mean, England!