Sex is great, ain’t it? I love sex. It’s fab. It’s one of my most favourite things in the world to do. I must be absolutely wonderful at it as well because I always have a good time. You know, and keep this to yourselves, there have been times in the past where I’ve even done sex with other people. At the same time!

I know, I know – lay off with all the furrowed brows. I have known debauchery, it is true. I have been its friend and made it many cups of tea. I have laughed at debauchery’s jokes and even let it touch me where the pee pee comes out. I have fallen, nay, leapt gleefully, from the moral high horse and engaged in physical pleasures technically illegal in certain states of America, forbidden across most of the Middle-east and very, severely frowned upon in Milton Keynes. And you know what, it was all absolutely fucking brilliant. I’d do it all again, if it wasn’t for the herpes and sixteen children I’m paying out for every month. They don’t even fetch my slippers.

One problem I noticed on my sex adventures, apart from my cock being way too big sometimes (easily solved with lubricant or ear plugs), is that after a hard day’s fucking, I was sometimes a little tired in the late evening. As working men and women know, being tired at the end of the day plays havoc with your sex life. Not mine so much, that was the herpes, but it can be a real dampener for many folk.

That’s why I recommend drugs. Got a headache? Take drugs! Got an upset tummy? Take drugs! Need a morning pick-me-up? Take drugs! But aspirin, Rennies and caffeine aren’t going to help your willy. You’ll be needing something a little more specific.


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